The New Self & Gracious Forgiveness

Here we find the culmination of this entire passage about the new self. After addressing truth-telling, anger, work, and speech, the text arrives at the heart of Christian transformation: forgiveness. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where we see most clearly whether we’re living according to the old self or the new self.

Look at the list of what must be put away: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. These are the toxic byproducts of unforgiveness. They’re interconnected and self-reinforcing. Bitterness feeds wrath. Wrath expresses itself in clamor. Clamor degenerates into slander. And behind it all is malice—the desire to see others suffer for what they’ve done to us.

The old self clings to these things. The old self believes it has a right to bitterness, that wrath is justified, that others deserve our anger. The old self rehearses offenses, builds cases against people, and finds satisfaction in seeing enemies fail. The old self measures forgiveness by whether it’s been earned.

But then comes the stunning contrast: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Everything changes when we remember how we’ve been forgiven. We were enemies of God, dead in our trespasses, following the course of this world. We deserved wrath. We earned condemnation. We had no claim on God’s mercy.

And yet God, in Christ, forgave us. Not because we deserved it. Not because we earned it. Not because we promised to do better. He forgave us while we were still sinners. He forgave us at infinite cost to Himself. He forgave us completely, irrevocably, eternally.
This is the pattern for the new self. We forgive not because others deserve it, but because we’ve been forgiven. We extend mercy not because we feel like it, but because we’ve received mercy. We let go of bitterness not because the offense doesn’t matter, but because Christ’s sacrifice matters more.

“Tenderhearted” is particularly important. The old self develops a hard heart toward those who’ve hurt us. We protect ourselves by building walls, by becoming callous, by refusing to feel compassion for our offenders. But the new self maintains a tender heart—not naive or foolish, but genuinely compassionate, able to see others through Christ’s eyes.

Consider the person who’s hardest for you to forgive. Maybe it’s someone who hurt you deeply. Maybe it’s someone who continues to wrong you. Maybe it’s yourself. The old self wants to hold onto the offense, to make them pay, to wait until they’ve suffered enough. But the new self remembers the cross. The new self extends the same forgiveness we’ve received.

This doesn’t mean pretending the offense didn’t happen or that it doesn’t matter. It means releasing the person to God, refusing to let bitterness take root, choosing kindness and tenderheartedness even when it’s costly. This is only possible because of what God has done in Christ. You have been forgiven much. Therefore, you can forgive much.

Thought for Today: 
Who do I need to forgive today, remembering how God in Christ has forgiven me?